So, after a lot of introspection, I have decided that part of my issue is burnout. I’ve been working 10 hour days, volunteering, and going to school full time. Though those are all things I want to do, I need to switch it up and spend some time on my creativity. I felt wonderful when I won NaNoWriMo in 2010, so I looked into it, and there is a Summer Camp version of the competition! So, starting June 1, I will be participating in another NaNo. I am honestly very excited about this. I remember last time this really helped my creativity flourish, and was quite a wonderful experience. I look forward to it helping me out of my slump, while giving some of the non school and work related things that have been bumping around in my head an opportunity to get out.

My mate and I are discussing doing this together, again. I’m working on my characterization at this point, trying to nail down ideas about how this will go before the story gets started. I am also collecting sponsors, to help fund this little adventure in novelization. The website for my sponsorship page is: http://www.stayclassy.org/fundraise?fcid=198395

Hello Again

So… it has been more than a year since I have written on this blog. I could cite many “reasons” – working full time & going to school full time, my failing health, many other factors I’m sure. But the fact of the matter is that I have been afraid. Procrastination is always based on fear, and after a certain point in procrastinating, you don’t see the point of even continuing, because you have put everything off for so long already.

I admit to past fears, both of failure and success. I’ve let the negative attitudes of others pollute my attitude. I’ve had small setbacks, and taken them as huge signs, yet had positive results elsewhere, and taken them as flukes. I’ve put everything as more important than working on my health or my business, especially doing the laundry and washing the dishes. I have let the small details of my life RUN my life; let the “to do” lists in my life take up all of my personal time, and all of my energy.

I would like to say “NO MORE!” I would like to believe that I can draw a line in the sand and decree that I will be an organized person with a clear understanding of all priorities from this moment forward. However, I am realistic, and I know me. I’ve lived with me my whole life, and I know I’m not like that. Every few years or months or weeks I scream “no more” to the heavens and dedicate myself to a particular area in my life, and a little while later I’m the way I was before, all over again.

I’m not sure why. I don’t know if it is a lack of willpower, or energy. I don’t know if it is an overabundance of excuses. I understand, logically, that if I truly want my life to be different in certain ways, I have to make changes. I cannot continue doing the same things I have always done, and expect the world to change for me. I have to be the one to change. But I am not traditionally very good at that. And every once in a while I get sick of myself and try to change. And every once in a while I change, for a while, and then revert.

So here I am, trying yet again to climb the mountain I have made of the mole hill of personal improvement. I started with having a booth at a local street fair over the weekend. I’m continuing by posting this blog. Perhaps tomorrow I will go for a walk around the lake instead of turning on the TV. We’ll see.